I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
