Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
