he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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