did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize