Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
