And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
