is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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