Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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