he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
