eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
