Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
