maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
