What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
