I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
