Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
