The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
