Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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