The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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