If that was your dad, he is hot
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize