I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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