Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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