Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
