You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize