So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
