I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
