Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
