you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
