Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
