I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
