Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
