i just wanna soil my oats bro
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
