she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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