i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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