Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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