Got a toothbrush?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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