The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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