dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize