She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize