apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize