You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
