yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
