How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The Olympian is in my bed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
