just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
