I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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