hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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