My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just pee around me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
