This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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