Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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