no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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