I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
