in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
