i was born a porn star she said
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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