Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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