Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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