Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
