what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
