We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
