So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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