I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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