i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
