just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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