just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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