Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
