whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
