Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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