I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
