Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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