The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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