No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
