glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
