Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
