the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
