I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
