my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
