He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
