Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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