i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
