So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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