Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Swine flu. Run for my life!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
