remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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