1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
one two three fourrrrnication!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
