last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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