I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
