I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
