is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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