im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
