I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
