I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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