Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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