I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize