Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
