come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This is the high leading the old right now
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
