I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
