wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
